You Can Get Bitter Or You Can Get Better.. The Choice Is Yours..

 This is gonna be a long one… real, raw, honest truth bomb

Laura Bradley, Certified Life Coach & Mentor

December 26th, 2022 I decided it was time I quit making excuses, get out of my own head, quit being my own worst enemy, make the changes I knew I needed to make and practice what I preach. For years I have talked to people about this very thing and mentored them into "changing their mindset to change their life" but I could not muster up enough strength to actually do that for myself.

The last 2 years have been some of the hardest of my entire life, with last year (2022) being the worst. I allowed circumstances, other people's actions and my own insecurities & actions to turn me into someone I had never been before and someone I absolutely despised. Raw honest truth right here, I allowed myself to seek "comfort" in alcohol... A LOT of alcohol. Now don't get me wrong, I used to drink socially, on the weekends or at special events and had no issue with alcohol. It wasn't until I started spiraling with my mental health that I allowed the alcohol to start taking control of me. I was to the point that I was drinking a LOT every single day..

When I had heart surgery in March, it set off what I call a mini (seemed huge to me) "mental breakdown". I had been so healthy for so long then had a second stroke in December of 2021 followed by a third a week before my heart surgery in March of 2022. These series of events followed by the trauma I was experiencing in my family and personal life sent my body into a tailspin which brought on non stop anxiety and panic attacks.. I had never experienced panic attacks before or the severe anxiety I immediately started having. Every time I had a good day, the next day would be worse and the cycle continued until I found a Psychiatrist to prescribe me the right medication and a Therapist to help guide me through my seasons of anxiety.

I eventually was able to get to the point where I could wean myself off the medication and my doctor checked my labs which showed my hormones were way out of whack.. I started hormone therapy and immediately started feeling better... Until more family and life "drama" started happening again. I then started seeking a way to "clear my mind" and turned to alcohol... I am not proud of my decision by no means but this is my story and my raw truth. The alcohol then caused my anxiety to come back then as the vicious cycle goes, I would drink more to "get rid" of the anxiety.. It was a vicious cycle and I was on a hamster wheel going nowhere.. I was so far away from God and my relationship with Him was almost non existent. My anxiety and panic attacks were back and there was no stopping them.

But Then God... I started slowly speaking to Him again, I started asking Him to help me, help me break the grip anxiety, panic and alcohol had on me. I firmly believe God allowed me to experience all of this, to draw me back to Him.. So His glory could be shown through my experiences and story. Once I started speaking to and seeking Him again, I would get anxiety every time I took a sip of alcohol, then it started tasting bad and I started realizing God was breaking that chain for me.

For so long I could not go one day without "getting a buzz".. I am now on almost a month and still going. I am now able to see things differently again. I started working out everyday again, practicing Yoga, meditating and practicing mindfulness. Instead of scrolling through facebook, I now read self help books, scripture and talk to God. I was able to have a drink with friends the other night and not have the urge to drink more. Life feels so different for me now, this will sound crazy to some but even the smell of the outdoors smells different..

I am so thankful that God never leaves our side, even when sometimes He has every right to do so. I am so thankful for the last 2 years because without those hard times, I would not be where I am today.. I MADE IT.. And so can YOU.

Week 1 - What Baggage Are You Carrying?

“And Blessed is the one who is not offended by Me”  Matthew 11:6

When I go on trips, even a short weekend get away with my husband Greg, I pack like I am never returning home and we are headed to a deserted island with no stores.  I pack at least 6 bags.. For a 2-day trip! One bag for my actual clothing which contains at least 3 different outfits to choose from for EACH day, one bag is strictly for my shoes because lets be honest here.. the shoes make the outfit! One bag for my make up because Lord knows no one wants to see this face without makeup, one bag for my bathroom necessities and toiletries, one bag for my accessories like belts, jewelry etc. and one bag for my laptop because all my “vacations” are working vacations. I envy you ladies who only need to carry one bag!  Greg can literally pack one bag containing his clothing, shoes, toiletries etc in 15 minutes when it takes me a good 2 days. His reasoning is “I don’t like hauling all these heavy bags around everywhere we go!”  

The other “bags” or Offenses I carry on my trips, around the house, to bed and pretty much anywhere I go aren’t physically seen but they still carry a lot of weight.  I load myself up with bags full of hurts, resentments, rejections, fears, unforgiveness, anxiety.. you name it and I probably have it shoved in a bag and am currently carrying it over my shoulder or on my back like a pack mule and will duke it out with anyone who tries to take it from me!  

As a female we tend to feel like we are to carry everyone else’s problems and be the “fixer” of all.. but what about OUR problems? Who fixes those? If you’re like me, no one does, you continue to carry those Offenses with you allowing them to be stumbling blocks and you keep filling your fake Louis up as you go until you have to grab a suitcase and start filling it up because Lord knows we don’t have time to work on ourselves and let those issues go.  We would rather beat ourselves up and break our backs carrying all our baggage than unloading and going through them a few at a time.  Its like when I go grocery shopping and I come home with a car load full of groceries, I will literally weigh myself down with every single bag, toilet paper under one arm, paper towels under the other and wobble into the house dropping to the floor from all the weight than make two trips to my car.  Kind of silly huh?

I am pretty good about picking up extra bags everywhere I go.  It’s like I have a “baggage radar” always on alert for a new bag to pick up.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am a purse-a-holic and I love a good designer bag, especially when its on sale! I can find new bags at work, the grocery store, my favorite restaurant, social media and even at Church.. Yep.. I went there.  Don’t act like you’re all holy roller and you don’t get hurt or offended at Church.  Church people can be mean! Can I get an Amen? Guess what.. They are human, just like you and I.

Can I be real with you for a minute? Hopefully you just said yes because you’re still reading this.  I am no expert, I don’t have a college degree, I am not a licensed physician nor have I ever wrote a book before, I am literally just a normal everyday woman who has lived a life full of hurts, crippling anxiety, grief, unforgiveness and bouts of depression.  I have packed and picked up lots of baggage along the way, some I have unloaded only to reload and some I never unpacked but I can tell you one thing for sure, God is still working on me and each day the load gets a little lighter.

I decided to take a journey.. a journey to figure out why I feel the need to pick up all of this excess baggage. My hope is that you will follow along on this journey and maybe find that you are carrying some of the same baggage and that together, we can find a way to unpack our bags for good.

I am beginning to think Greg was on to something when he said “I don’t like hauling all these heavy bags around everywhere we go!”  Maybe, just maybe.. I can learn something from him..

Personal Evaluation:

1.  What baggage or offenses have you picked up and not put back down?

2.  How long have you carried this baggage?

3. What is keeping you from putting it down for good?

4. How has this extra baggage affected your life?

5. Think about what it would feel like to finally be free from this baggage, how would you feel?