Is there an old saying "If tear drops were money, I'd be a millionaire" or did I just thnk of that? Anways, whoever said it... had it dead on. When your children hurt, you hurt, when your children cry (from something serious) most generally.. we cry. Pain is not fun in anyway, shape form or fashion.. but it does grow us, teach us, mature us. My journey has been a long one and it is far from over but I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing. I embrace the bumpy roads, the pot holes, the dead ends because had it not been for those... I wouldn't be where I am today. Life is about choices, you choose to be happy, you choose to be sad, you choose to be bitter or you choose to get better. I always try to stay in the positive, relying solely on My Father up above, you know the Big Man upstairs. He is my strength, my comfort, my shield.
Before I was adopted, yes I was adopted, my life was really tough but even then I KNEW, felt it, that "someone" was looking out for me. Then when I grew older, became rebellious, left home and got into some very bad situations, I still KNEW someone was there, watching over me. I still know today that the same "someone" (God) is still here, still guiding and directing my every move and protecting me with His love and Word.
When Taylor was in Kindergarten- Second grade she was made fun of alot. Kids were very mean to her because she was "different". I remember sitting in her room holding and rocking her while she asked me "Mommy, why did Jesus have to make me this way? Why do I have to be so different? Why can't I be normal like everyone else?" Talk about tears falling.... At the time she couldn't see the bigger picture (nor could I in all honesty), she just thought she would never have friends, never live a normal life because she was "different" by having Dwarfism. She would cry and beg me not to make her go to school, plead with me to make her normal, that hurt... We pulled her out of school when she was in the third grade and home schooled her for a while. This was the best thing we could have ever done for her at the time. She developed her self esteem, she had light back in her eyes and became who she was meant to be, a happy bright little girl. My little girl.. God directed that path.. not me.
Its not always children making fun of her, adults are very bad about staring and saying things to us. I have had several people approach me and tell me "what a shame it is that she has to be like that, she will never have a normal life" or "whats wrong with that girl... why does she waddle (as they are imitating my daughters walk) like a penguin?" "She's to pretty for something like that to ruin her life" EXCUSE ME?!?! After many times of me getting angry, loosing my cool, Taylor helped me realize, "Mom...Quit worrying about it, I am who I am and nothings going to change that. I don't care if people stare and make fun of me, its their problem, not mine and YOU shouldn't care either!" OUCH!!! I guess you could say SHE TOLD ME huh?!? She actually has taught me so much. That doesn't mean that I won't step in front of her or behind her if I catch someone staring, or that her little sister won't ask you how your doing or "if we can answer any questions you might have about my sister?" We are a team, a pack and we support and look after each other. Thats what families are for.
The same way God has protected and looked after me for so many years, I am relying on Him to protect and look after my children.
Yes Taylor "waddles" but she also has a passion for life, for horses and for helping others. She has an amazing spirit that I would LOVE to bottle up and sell! Yes Brianna has problems of her own but she also will be one of the first to lay her hands on and pray for you if you need it.
The other night Brianna was sobbing and asking why she can't be normal and why no one can "fix" her and Greg said "Brianna, God has healed you once before, have you prayed that He would heal you again?" Her response was "No dad, I'm not supposed to pray for myself, I have to pray for others." Wow... what an awesome kid!
I hope I leave my kids a legacy that they can be proud of, I hope they learn from my mistakes and I hope they learn to rely solely on God, because He is the only one who will NEVER let you down.