Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I Wonder..

Sometimes I wonder if what I say and do makes a difference.. I talk to ladies at different stages in their relationships, offer advice, support and if needed help.. But I sometimes don't know what the end result is... This lady is different...

Back in 2009 I received an email from a lady I will call "B".. You will see in our conversations that the abuse started out mild and then escalated..

From B, in her own words:
I don't know if anyone can help me. My sister was in an abusive relationship that progressively got worse as time went on and turned into extreme physical abuse. She is afraid that my husband is heading down the same path. He's become increasingly disrespectful, he calls me names daily like there's nothing wrong with... it. And just a few days ago while I was feeding out 8 month old son he punches the chair I was sitting in right next to my head. I need help and I'm not sure where to go. I love him and want him to go back to being the man I married.

From me, word for word:
November 6, 2009
Photos-By Laura Laura Bradley
The cycle of Violence does get worse as time goes on, it will not get better without intervention. The being disrespectful, calling of names, belittling etc are all forms of abuse. The cycle usually starts with verbal and emotional (as you mentioned) then eventually leads to physical violence, which you also mentioned by him punching the chair. You have many options, but they all take CAREFULL thought and planning. I don't know where you are located but in Denton County there is a place called Denton County Friends of the Family and they offer help to victims of domestic Violence and counseling. I offer a support group for victims and you may call me ANYTIME at 940-390-3911. I can speak with or meet with you to help you decide what steps you want to take, or just to be support. The choice is yours, and the decison has to be yours, just remember you do have a child in the picture now and that child depends on you to keep him or her safe.  Also, you may call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Please take my number and call me if you need anything, even if it just someone to listen and offer support. I know you love him, but you must also love yourself. You do not deserve to be abused in any way, and he needs to seek help to help him overcome his abusive ways. Please keep in touch and take my advice to heart. I will be praying for you. Laura
From B:
November 9, 2009
I live in West Virginia. I feel so helpless... He yelled at me because i picked up one of our sons toys and put in on the table because it was in the walk way. My son was bouncing happily in his bouncy chair and "J" blew up. He said things like "Use your f*#@ing mind, I just cleaned that table!" and "I don't know why I married your stupid ass!" and he swore to God that he hated me. His yelling startled my son and made him cry so I tried to comfort him by taking him out of the chair and hugging him. "J" was in the laundry room and I sat down on the couch with my son, now better in his mommy's arms. "J" came back out to yell at me some more to use my "f@#*ing" brain. When he started yelling at me it startled my son again and made him jump and cringe on to me as he began to cry. The look on his face broke my heart and I can't get it out of my head. He looked at me like "Mommy I'm scared." I just want to break down in tears. I should be able to keep him from these things and I can't. I've spoken to "J's" mother and sister and they are going to try and talk him into getting help. If he refuses to get help then I've decided I'm not going to stay, I can't allow my son to go through this anymore or myself even. I've noticed my son is losing that playful side when "J" holds him and he looks at me for reassurance that its going to be okay. Eventually he relaxes and all seems normal, but it's not that instantaneous playful reaction that he used to have. My heart is really breaking thinking about what I might have to do to protect my son.

From me:
November 10, 2009
I pray that you have the strength to leave if he does not change. The more your child sees, the more withdrawn he will become out of fear. Please remember that none of this is your fault, even though you may be told that. You do what you can to take care of yourself and that baby and stay safe. Remember, he will NOT change without invervention and help. Please be safe and remember leaving takes careful planning!

That was the last time I had spoken with "B" in way over 2 years... I had often thought of her wondering if she was OK and if the abuse had indeed gotten worse.. I wondered if she was able to break free or if she became another statistic..

I wondered all of that up until January 6, 2012 when I received this...

From "B":
Its been so long since I've gotten back to you... I wanted u to know u were right there were several more instances that got worse each time including the physical aspect of abuse.. I left him for good in the early hours on January 1st 2010 when he tried to kill me in front of our son. I feel very fortunate to still be here today. We are now divorced and live a good distance away from each other.. thank u for ur words of support...

That right there validates everything I do.....

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Help...

The definition of Help is simple... to make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering aid.

Synonyms:  assist, aid, releive, support...

Help can come in many forms..  But YOU choose to either be the "helper" or the one receiveing the help... Never consider yourself "helpless". 

I at one time thought I was "helpless".  I was lost in a world of abuse and addiction with no easy way out.  I was as low as one could go and still sinking lower. 

I sought and found help because I knew I would die if I didn't.  In that instance I made a choice.. A choice to not be helpless anymore... A choice to change my destiny... change my legacy..

You can choose to stay right where you are for the rest of your life or you can choose to dig down as deep as you can go, and when you think your at the bottom and you still can't find it... dig deeper.. and find a thread of courage.. a thread of strength.... and get help..

I am an advocate for Victims and Survivors of Domestic Violence.. I am a form of "Help"... I work with, mentor and offer support for those in need.. I am not a Counselor, a legal guru or in any way affliated with law enforcement.. I am in simple terms.. The Help...

I offer a support group for Victims and Survivors of Domestic Violence and Abuse.  If you are in immediate danger and need help please contact 911 or your local law enforcement agency.  If you need someone to talk to or would like to get involved in a support group please contact me. 

I was once where you are and I know the struggles going on in your mind right now.. "It only happens a few times.... not all the time"  "He said He was sorry, he was just under so much stress"  "Well, I shouldn't have said that, I know he hates it when I say those things"...

The next time might just be the last...

Laura 940-390-3911