The Last's

I was thinking the other day, yes... I think a LOT... As a mom, we often think about, write down and talk about our babies "first's".  First tooth, first time to roll over, first words, first steps and the inevitable first day of kindergarten... But what about all the "last's"?   We often overlook and forget these, the most important ones of all... You see, the "last's" mean our "babies" are growing up, not needing us that much anymore.. The "last's" are gone and often forgotten...

Let me start with Taylor....

Taylor came into this world late and has been late ever since!  She hasn't always had the sweet calm spirit she has now... She was my first and I wanted to make sure I did everything by the book and didn't fail at anything.. I read all the books, watched all the shows and picked the brains of everyone I could.. Only to figure out, I had to go with MY gut instinct and do what worked best for ME.  I was not a perfect mommy but I sure tried my best to be.  I wanted to give her the best life I could and as most parents do, I sacrificed everything I could to make sure she had the best I could offer.  

When Taylor was a toddler, she would never let me out of her sight and if I was, she would scream and cry until I came back.  I would drop her off at the babysitters house and cry all the way to work because she would cling and beg me to stay with her.  Although this was heart breaking for me, it also gave me comfort knowing she loved me so incredibly much.  One day I took her in, sat her down and she crawled off never giving me a second glance.  I was heartbroken... Just the day before she had cried and clung to me begging me not to leave and now she didn't give me a second glance... That was a "last" for Taylor...

Taylor was a very cranky baby AND toddler.. I mean she was quite the bear to be real honest!  Greg and I used to have a nightly routine with her.. When it became time for her to go to bed, we had to load her up and take her around the block (sometimes the whole town) just to get her to go to sleep!  I'm telling ya, I was VERY reluctant to have another baby after her! All kidding aside, one night Greg decided we weren't going to do that anymore and she was going to go to sleep like a normal child!  Well... you can only imagine how that went over! After what seemed like months of her crying herself to sleep, she finally went to bed and calmly fell asleep on her own... She didn't need me sneaking in and holding her until she calmed, she didn't need me singing "You are my sunshine" to her anymore, she didn't need ME.. to fall asleep anymore... She was growing up... and I didn't like it.  That was a "last" for Taylor...

When it was just Taylor and I, I would not let her get one single grain of dirt on her.  If she got even the least little bit dirty, I would freak out and start sanitizing every ounce of her tiny little body.  I was terrified of germs and her getting some dirt born disease.  All that changed when we met Greg........  Greg made it his ultimate goal to make sure Taylor got as dirty as she could, just to watch me freak!  He would allow her to fall in the mud and laugh at her and I when we both cried.. He kept pushing the boundaries and she eventually caved, realizing he was more fun than I... Next thing I know, she is out playing in mud puddles in her brand new shoes.. laughing and giggling at the top of her lungs.. Not a care in the world... Meanwhile I am silently dying inside thinking of all the disease's she could be coming in contact with!  I wasn't the center of her world anymore.... I was no longer the only one in her world... She now had someone she admired, trusted, loved and looked up to... The times of her relying solely on me were over... This was another "last" for Taylor...

Taylor was 3 when her baby sister Brianna was born.. Brianna entered the world on October 4th, 2001 and up until that day, Taylor had been my only child.  October 3rd was a "last" for Taylor.. The last day that she was my only baby girl... the last day that she had me all to herself... and the last day that it was just her and I...

Now let me tell ya about Brianna...

Brianna, Oh boy... Where to begin?  Brianna has always been a little firecracker!  She has ALWAYS pushed the boundaries and knows no limits.  When I was 5 months pregnant with her, she decided she wanted to go ahead and make her entrance into the world.... Needless to say, not everyone agreed with her so I was put in the hospital for 2 weeks while we tried convincing her the world wasn't quite ready for her!  She stayed in a few more months then made her grand appearance 3 weeks before my due date... She still thinks everything should be done on HER time!

Brianna has ALWAYS had a very vivid imagination.  One day she introduced us to a little girl named Cheerleader... Funny name I know... You see, Cheerleader wasn't your typical "little girl"... To be honest, none of us ever actually SAW Cheerleader, only Brianna.  Cheerleader was Brianna's Imaginary Friend... But you couldn't tell Brianna that... She would argue until she was blue in the face that Cheerleader was real!  We would go out to eat and would have to request an extra chair when Cheerleader was with us... Luckily she always drank water and shared a meal with Bri...  Bri would talk to her and interact with her at restaurants like she was REALLY there.. In Brianna's mind, she REALLY was!  Bri would get mad if we "ignored" Cheerleader when she was speaking to us, or if we "accidentally" sat on her... Things got a little complicated at times because we always had to ask Bri "Where's Cheerleader?" to make sure she didn't accidentally get left at home, locked out of the house, sat on in restaurants etc.  Although it was quite embarrassing at times, it also reminded me of just how innocent and precious my baby actually was.  I remember the day when I asked Brianna where Cheerleader was because I realized we hadn't been taking her with us in a very long while and Bri hadn't been talking to her like she used to.  Brianna calmly told me "Mom, Cheerleader left.  She went to someone else's house to be friends with them and I told her it was OK."  Although I was relieved because we had finally moved past this stage in her life, I was also a little sad... This meant Brianna was growing up, her imagination was slowly fading away... This was a "last" for Brianna...

Brianna had an obsession with baby dolls... When I say obsession, I don't use it lightly.. We had numerous baby dolls in our house, different ages, boys & girls... Brianna called them her "kids" and Greg and I were informed that since they were her kids.. They were also our grandkids... This was not a position that we chose.. and she held us to our "responsibilities" of grand parents!  I was asked to babysit while she went to her friends house, I had to feed them and change their diapers when Bri was conveniently "unavailable"... These "kids" supported and helped each other when needed... One day I walked into the girls bathroom and almost fell over in laughter!  Apparently one of the babies had gotten sick and needed to vomit... SOOOOO... 2 other "babies" pushed a stool over to the toilet, those same 2 laid down on their bellies on the stool and the sick baby climbed on top of the other 2 and hung her head over the toilet.... I am so thankful they came up with this plan because Lord knows... I do not clean up vomit!

Brianna took her role as Mommy and our role as grandparents very seriously.  She was in the pool one day and all her "children" were in the house.  I was sitting by the pool minding my own business when suddenly she broke out in tears and panic! I thought she had been stung by a bee or something!  Once I finally got her calmed down, she tearfully informed me that CPS had been called on her and they were removing all of her children from our home... You can only imagine my reaction to this news.. I am thanking God she hadn't been stung by a bee (since she is highly allergic) but also silently laughing inside at this sudden twist to our mommy and grandparent plot.  She informed me that she had been turned in because someone had claimed she was not a good mommy.. My defenses flew up! How DARE anyone say my daughter was not a good mommy!!  She begged me to help her and to figure out a way to prove she was indeed a good mommy.  We called our best friend and Pastor at the time who also was a cop... He talked to Brianna (He was such a good sport in all our times of need), convinced her that he would talk to CPS and get all of this resolved and she would get to keep her babies.  We were all relieved!  A few days later I noticed she wasn't playing with her baby dolls like she once did.. she actually started getting rid of a few.. I was heart broken! I mean, we just went through this whole CPS battle over these kids and now she didn't WANT them??  Then it dawned on me.... She was growing up... She was realizing that she was too old to play with baby dolls and she created this whole CPS story to give her a way "out".. to convince herself (and us) that she didn't need them anymore, someone else could have them and love them like she did...  This was a "last" for Brianna... 

I write all this with tears in my eyes.. Thinking back to all my babies "last's"... I know there will be many more "last's" in our lives.. and I hate the thought of forgetting them.. We always remember our "first's"  but how often do we remember our "last's"?  I want to be able to treasure every single moment in the lives of my family and not forget one single thing... But too often, I do forget...

I want to remember all the times we went hunting for rolly pollies... all the times we laid outside under the stars talking about life.... all the times we tried to catch lightening bugs... the way my babies smelled when they came in from playing outside... the dirt smudges on their faces... the gentle way they wrapped their tiny arms around my neck and said "I wub you mommy".... their tender words of comfort when I was hurting... or the way a single kiss from me could take away every hurt in the world...

These are the things I don't want to forget... These are a few of my favorite things...